You are the music

The music pours into the room.
 
This room is you.
 
It’s always been there
but I hadn’t noticed it until now
 
Before, I didn’t know the richness of the tapestries on the wall
and I never sat at the oak table in my pyjamas
reading the story inside its wood
 
In the cemetery
I held my breath all night
 
I felt the leaves, or was it you
run a hand down the line from my cheek to my chest
 
The deep black line curving through
and aching
 
As it echoes,
aching in thick pulsing waves
as it echoes
 
In the morning
it washed me ashore, into your arms
Back to the room in the house of my heart
 
that I never thought to open before.

Evening seminar

She was talking up to the ceiling
orange LED reflected in her teeth
 
I felt like – what did you say?
oh yes, Youth Group
the hall reminded you of Youth Group
 
Not that I was ever there in the first place
another girl’s past splayed out before me
 
The topic was colour
and my back ached like stone
 
Light danced like a junior-school disco
my friend in glasses smiled meekly

Rubbing her hand
across the circular table
 
We were somewhat stale, or grown up
 
Before leaving
I took a sip of water,
then a gulp,
then poured the glass over myself
 
Ran head up
dripping from the theatre

 

Middle Meadows Walk

By the clouds, by the stars
I am enclosed

Rachmaninov lifts me from the cement below
Whispering in my cold ears
His orchestra soars
Matching my magnified heartbeat

Half way down the path
My doppelgänger shadows smirk
I fear that I’ll turn around, hands in pockets
To see my own night-time figure peering back

My dark imaginings,
The gothic moon above,
Pulsing strings and deep blue dread
Beams down in Russian black

Everything crescendos
Until I feel my keys

And see the sodium street-lamps
Guide me to my door
With their golden, unblinking eyes

Strings

I SEE IT AS BEING AT

THE BOTTOM OF A WELL

WITH MY HAND HOLDING

ONE STRING

TO PULL MY BODY,

WEIGHED DOWN BY POOLS

OF THOUGHT,

UP TO THE CLARITY

OF THE LOGICAL CONVERSATION

YOU MIGHT HAVE

OVER A PLEASANT COFFEE DATE

BOTH SECRETLY STRUGGLING

TO MAINTAIN

YOUR INVISIBLE COATS

OF ENGAGEMENT

OR MAYBE IT IS ME

MAYBE IT IS ONLY ME

FEELING THE BENCH

SLIPPING OVER BENEATH ME

AND THE WALLS

CAVING IN

BEHIND ME

SO I SLOWLY TURN THE VOLUME DOWN

AND DOWN AND DOWN AND DOWN

UNTIL

ALL I CAN HEAR

ARE THE CLOUDS